Hats off to you, JJ

When it came to my attention that JJ Barea was dating a former Miss Universe, I quickly declared it as the most lopsided celebrity relationship in the NBA. Now I don’t mean to knock on JJ, but when the biggest achievement in your NBA career is just having a roster spot on a NBA team, you’re not exactly a sports star. But before I jump to any further conclusions, let’s do a simple case study on others and find the losers of the relationship.

Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union

A top 10 player in the NBA and a C-list actress in Hollywood. On paper, this might not be the most balanced of relationships in terms of stardom and fame. But D-Wade can give himself a pat on the back here for finding a keeper. With the things that she’s had to deal with, Gabrielle is definitely a solid pick for Wade.

Loser: Neither

Sasha Vujacic and Maria Sharapova

A Machine and a former world #1 tennis player. The argument should end just right there, but there’s more. Outside of tennis, Sharapova has graced the lists of People’s 50 most beautiful celebs, served as back-to-back-to-back-to-back winner of Maxim’s hottest athlete in the world, and even shot an issue of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit spread. But to give credit where credit is due, Sasha is a 2x NBA champion. After taking that into consideration, it is still a no contest.

Loser: Sasha Vujacic

Tony Parker and Eva Longoria

3x NBA Champion/Finals MVP and a desperate housewife. Some can make the argument that Eva Longoria’s rise to fame had much to do with Tony Parker’s already celebrity status at the time. In fact, the Parker/Longoria really gave Eva that extra push to get her more notoriety especially among the 20-40 something males who watch NBA. Though this relationship had a strange, strange ending, it’s important to note that Eva’s fame rose and might of even surpassed Tony’s as the marriage went on. Also, note the fact that Eva’s 7 years older than Tony. This is a tough one to assess. Both may have already passed their prime or atleast on the down slope of their prime in their careers. But what probably tips this over for me is the fact that Tony Parker unfaithfully chose Brent Barry’s wife over Eva.

Loser: Tony Parker

Marco Jaric and Adriana Lima

An ex-Clipper/ex-Timberwolves point guard and a Victoria’s Secrets angel turn actress. This one is unfair mainly because Lima makes a living off of her looks and her looks alone. And let’s be honest, the basis of these comparisons and results is pretty much 95% looks based and 5% success based. But even if I were to give Marco the benefit of the doubt and not compare his looks, Marco really hasn’t done much. Outside of 1 crazy FIBA World Championship where the Serbs defeated USA and went on to win gold, Marco hasn’t done much with his NBA career. Granted, the argument can be made that he played for the Clippers and Timberwolves. But when your spouse holds titles such as “Hottest Girl on the Planet” (SpikeTV), “#1 most desirable woman” (askmen.com), and a hall of famer on FHM’s “Sexiest Woman Alive”, you either have to be Michael Jordan or Kobe Bryant or this one is over.

Loser: Marco Jaric

Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian

2x NBA Champion/Reigning 6^th man of the year and a Kardashian. I’m not usually one to have unwishful thinking of others but this relationship has all the signs of trouble. From a 3-week courtship->marriage, reality tv show, a Kardashian, another reality tv show – all main ingredients for a troubled relationship. It’s hard for me to understand this relationship because I’m still trying to understand why Khloe Kardashian is even considered a celebrity. I know the Kardashian brand is hot right now just like the Paris Hilton brand 5 years ago. So if someone was to do a documentary on the Kardashian’s rise to fame, I would watch it. But, I digress. Odom might not have accomplished everything we thought he would but he is still a NBA champion on a storied NBA franchise. Khloe might not have anything other than her last name but out of the 3 Karda$hians, she’s probably the most sane.

Loser: Khloe Kardashian

JJ Barea and Zuleyka Rivera (Miss Universe 2006)

To those who tune into the Miss Universe pageant, you know that these women have gone through a lot to even be on the stage. But to win it?! It’s been estimated that 100 billion people have ever lived on this earth. Taking probability into account, you calculate that ½ of 100 billion were women. As of 2011, there has been only 59 Miss Universes ever. JJ Barea is dating one of them. Look, if you’re a Miss Universe, you’re pretty much expected to marry a multi-billionaire, A-list actor, or a famous superstar athlete. JJ Barea does not fall into any of those categories. I know someone’s going to tell me that they’re both from Puerto Rico. But outside of a “destined childhood sweethearts who reunited in America” story, that means nothing. The saving grace of this comparison is that JJ Barea still has time to prove me wrong. He’s young, and he’ll most likely have a shot to play in the NBA Finals this year. If the Mavs go on to win the whole enchilada and JJ Barea is the Finals MVP, then maybe, MAYBE this can be re-evaluated.

Loser: JJ Barea