Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Stop Staring At Me, Blake Griffin

The NBA has a new poster boy, and his name is Blake Griffin. Before David Stern brainwashes you into thinking his sh*t don't stink, here are three reasons why I am not a fan of the Los Angeles Clippers' starting power forward:

1) The Stare

Blake Griffin dunks a lot. Blake Griffin also fouls a lot. And after every jam or whistle, Blake Griffin just stands there, staring. What's he staring at? What's he staring for? Nobody knows. Some theorize that he thinks he looks tough by doing so. I say he looks borderline concussed, but maybe that's just me. It's like the man is trapped in a never-ending Kia commercial. While we're on the subject, someone get me the Kia marketing people on the phone so I can demand that they change their slogan to: "Your below average spokesman. Your below average midsize sedan."
UVO, forget about playing "funk" if it makes Blake stare.
2) The Flop

I am a man who values consistency. Don't try to be someone you're not, you know? So it confuses me to no end what Blake Griffin is trying to be. We've established that he's trying to be hard with "the stare," but then why does he flop endlessly? It makes no sense. And he's not just flopping on the defensive end; he is clearly trying to learn from his teammate Chris Paul and fling his arms with the ball in his hands as well. Just take a look at this video, where Blake Griffin convinces the zebras that Luis Scola went all Hulk on him and threw him into the basketball hoop support:

3) The Attitude

Besides receiving superstar calls when he lowers his shoulder into the post, Blake Griffin's game is supremely overrated. The aforementioned flop is his go-to defensive move, and although he's working on his jumpshot, his scoring ability outside of a perfect alley-oop still leaves much to be desired. However, Blake walks the court as if everyone else should be bowing before him for the opportunity to stand next to him. With all his flopping and childish antics such as placing the ball in an opponent's chest after a foul call or standing over a loose ball so the other team can't inbound, it was only a matter of time before someone like Jason Smith gave him a taste of his own medicine. No, I'm not condoning what Smith did, nor am I wishing harm upon Blake Griffin, I'm just comparing hard fouls to a pitcher beaning a batter in baseball or an enforcer starting a fight in hockey -- it's payback.

Blake Griffin gets away with a lot of shenanigans, and it brings a smile to my face when players like Andre Miller stand their ground:

Now I know everybody loves a phenomenal dunker, but I just want to be the voice of the minority that haven't fallen head over heels for the Oklahoma Sooner. You all can make your own decisions, but at the end of the day, there's only one thing I ask of Blake Griffin: for the love of all that is holy, please just stop staring at me. Seriously.

Photo and videos courtesy of and YouTube


4) Lack of defense.
5) The sense of entitlement. (MY MOST HATED REASON)

Did you know Blake is on Hao's "world's coolest guys" list?

The dude looks like Tim Duncan (without the rings) after every single foul call.

But Tim Duncan might be GOAT power forward. He can do whatever he wants. Unless Joey Crawford is around.


"He's babied. He's the poster child of the league. He sells tickets, but he's babied. Bottom line. The refs, the league -- period. He gets away with [everything]. He taunts players. Nothing is done. He's babied." - DeMarcus Cousins

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