Shut Up and Jam!

We've all experienced this before. From the playgrounds of recess to the local pick-up games at our gym, we've all come across THAT guy. You know who I'm talking about. The guy who plays angry and wears that disgusted look on his face. The guy who likes to play rough and turn everything into a wrestling match. The guy whom you hate to play against but wouldn't mind having on your team. Yup, THAT guy. But here's the funny thing - THAT guy is usually never the best player on the team. He might be the most feared but not for the same reasons.

Even in a professional league like the NBA, THAT guy still exists. You can find him by just taking a look at the leaders in technical fouls in the NBA season so far:
1. Kendrick Perkins - 11
2. Tyson Chandler - 9
3. Dwight Howard - 8
4. DeMarcus Cousins - 7
5. Russell Westbrook - 7
6. Kobe Bryant - 7
7. Rajon Rondo - 7
8. Amare Stoudemire - 6
9. Carmelo Anthony - 6
10. Stephen Jackson - 6

If you follow the NBA, you shouldn't be surprised by any of these names on this list. Most of the time, THAT guy becomes THAT guy to compensate for the lack of talent or athleticism or whatever other things they need to compensate for (zing!). But if this holds true, why are some superstars on this list? Dwight, Westbrook, Kobe, Rondo, Amare, and Melo. This is what I don't understand. If we can agree that Kobe is an anomaly and only look at the others, these other "superstars" have yet to live up to our expectations as fans. I understand the fact that every team needs an "enforcer", someone who's not "soft", a player who's not afraid to speak his mind, and a daunting presence for the opposition. But do the aforementioned players really need that element in their game?

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Dwight Howard is the biggest kid on the block. But his image has been forever tainted by wearing 2 size too small jerseys and getting dunked on over by the smallest kid on the block, Nate Robinson. Please Dwight, do us a favor, stop whining and pouting. You are not an "enforcer" nor do you need to be. Outside of the shoulder pads that you wear under your skin, there is nothing tough about you. JUST SHUT UP AND JAM.


(mouseover picture for a scare)
Westbrook, where do I even begin with you? I know you're trying to be the enforcer but look up -- your boy, Kendrick "Frankenstein" Perkins, is already doing that. Next to Perkins, you're nothing more than a Eddie Munster. I know you can't change your gargoyle-like face and that sucks. But can you at least shut up like a gargoyle and jam?


Google these two searches "How to shoot a jump shot rondo" and "How to shoot a jump shot peter wang" and you'll come out to roughly the same amount of results. This is more an insult to me than Rondo but that's a topic for another time. Raging Rondo is never going to catch on so please give up this act. If your infamous teammate, KG, can do it, you can too (KG has 0 technical fouls so far this season). I would tell you to shut up and jam but you're not a dunker so I'll leave you with this, SHUT UP AND LEARN TO SHOOT.


(mouseover picture for the real duo)
And now finally, Amare and Melo or what I'd like to call, Bam Bam and Pebbles. On this top 10 list, 3 are from New York. I don't know if it's a requirement to be a Knick or not but someone please tell this 2012 NYK team that you don't need to be like the 1994 team. You are Carmelo Anthony, not Anthony Mason. Amare means "strong" if you're African. To the rest of the world, it means "love." It's too late to name-change (or is it?) but if you really want to the world to see you as "strong" then please do more than cuss at refs. I offer my condolences to you and your family and the loss of your brother. However, you felt ready to come back a week after the funeral so if you fail to show up in games, this is on you. No more excuses. You and Melo need to get the job done. If you don't know what you need to do, refer to Jeremy Lin here and here.
Shut up and jam!